Pieces for the Left Hand: Stories by Lennon J. Robert

Author:Lennon, J. Robert [Lennon, J. Robert]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9781555970048
Publisher: Graywolf Press
Published: 2010-08-30T20:00:00+00:00

The Uniform

In the early days of the Cold War, the United States government spent significant amounts of money testing the effects of nuclear explosions on buildings, roads, cars, trains, household items and, ultimately, living beings. Since no military personnel, of course, were willing to sacrifice their own lives in the tests, a substitute for soldiers had to be found, and the government soon settled on pigs for this purpose.

To make the tests as authentic as possible, Army scientists ordered that military uniforms be fitted to the pigs, and a local company was contracted to do this. It happened that the company was owned by my future father-in-law, a retired Army officer who had fought in the war and had dedicated his civilian life to textile manufacture, the family business. The project was secret, and the uniforms were to be made in pieces by employees working alone. The pieces would be assembled by my father-in-law personally, and no one else was to see the finished product.

My father-in-law, however, found the completed uniforms to be quite sharp, and got the idea that one would look good on his beloved pet, a German shepherd named Ace. He particularly liked a certain detail of the uniforms—an embroidered name patch with the word PIG stitched onto it—because among Ace’s distinguishing characteristics was a tendency to eat messily and in haste. He ordered his employees to make enough material for a couple of extra uniforms, which he sewed together at home, tailoring them perfectly to Ace’s measurements. Whenever the two went out, Ace wore his Army uniform, and occasionally my father-in-law would pin a few of his own medals onto the dog’s chest, if the dog had been especially obedient or kind on that day.

It wasn’t long before an active officer from the base saw my father-in-law and Ace in a bar together, and when they returned home they found two military police awaiting them. The MPs confiscated the uniform and my father-in-law was reprimanded severely; in addition he was subjected to a harsh grilling and forced to provide a list of everyone in town who might have seen the uniform. From then on, whenever he was seen in town with Ace, the dog wore nothing but his collar.

Years later, when my wife’s parents moved closer to our area, my father-in-law brought the duplicate uniform with him. Since Ace’s death he has had several dogs, all German shepherds of Ace’s approximate size, all of whom he named Ace and who have all, on occasion, worn the forbidden uniform.

Recently he and the latest Ace met a retired Army officer who was once stationed at the base where the nuclear testing was to have taken place. My father-in-law boldly told him where the dog’s uniform had come from. To everyone’s surprise, the officer remembered my father-in-law, and told him that he had, in the old days, been regarded as a suspected spy. The officer further admitted that there had been a thick file at the base with his name on it.

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